Sorry I've been absent from the blog, but I'm really struggling with the pain in my back and I have to go through a second MRI of the cervical and thoracic spine on the 29th. When I had just the lumbar done, I came out of the machine, came home and have been flat on my back ever since. Spinal Stenosis is a progressive disease of the spine. If left untreated it can cause paralysis, even death. I just need a few more weeks, and an awesome pain killer that I can take before and after the test, because this scan will take double the time it took to do my lumbar spine. After the infections I got in the hospital in 1990,1993 and 1995, I was really afraid of going forward with this thing. Then one day, I was in deep prayer with God, and I had a word of knowledge! I heard, "I got you through the first 3 infections. What makes you think I couldn't do it a 4th time?" I immediately realized God was speaking to me! He was telling me, "Stop limiting me! I am God and I can do whateve I want!" So it has taken awhile to stare that demon of fear down but I was victorious! I've been going through grief as well. Grief for my failed marriage and grief for my kids who are grown and don't need me anymore.
At the bottom of the heap of my life, I found myself. I found my soul again as well. I started hearing chords one day, and now I'm able to play a few songs by ear. I also write music, but I haven't heard a chord for over 33 years! Being able to play a song by ear again has given me so much joy it's unbelievable!
My hope is in Jesus. My health is in His hands, and even if this doesn't work, I will still sing from my bedroom to the heavens! So, whatever God's will is, I'll accept it and then follow through with what He says, not what the devil whispers in my ear! I may have a chance to make the next 30 years the best of my life!
I'm being held to the fire. I'm being tested. I'm being sifted like wheat, but even so, I will always love Jesus, even if He is unable to wave a magic wand and cure me, I'll still love and trust Him, no matter what!
