Second Chances

I had it rough growing up, as you've no doubt read in some of the other posts on this blog. I was abused in every way and in every sense of the word. Name calling at school, constant feeling of rejection, never feeling like I fit in, never feeling like I was just "normal?" 

I did a lot of crazy things once I had a little freedom and a car. I did things I never thought I would do. Thanks peer pressure! I still to this day don't understand the "why" behind the things I did back then. I guess I just wanted to kill the pain I was in? I know that sounds like an "excuse" but there are no excuses for the things I did to myself. The body is a temple, and we are to treat it like one. I wasn't doing that. I figured, "Hey everyone else is doing it," so why not me?

That was the first of many traps the devil had laid out for me, that inevitably bit me on the behind!

Soon after, I fell away from the Lord. I stopped going to church, and I was showing up to school late every day. One of my teachers, Mrs. Anderson, was so disappointed in me, that another girl sang the solo at our graduation. The rejection I felt at home and at school, where I'd been teased relentlessly since 2nd grade, finally came to a head with the final rejection from my favorite teacher? Yup. I went off the deep end into a rebellion against everyone and everything!

I had my fun, but the night I turned 21, I turned a corner. It was that all important day for all of us. The feeling of freedom was awesome! Only mistake I made was letting my roomie take me to El Torito and get me drunk! So drunk, I couldn't stand up the next day without falling down! I even hit the porcelain with my head which really hurt, I mean talk about getting your bell rung? 

I had a lot of things going on in my life that I just didn't understand. One of them was that child abuse victims have a hard time "growing up?" We get stuck in an "emotional age," which is how the devil keeps us captive, keeps us doing the same things, over and over, until we ultimately, destroy ourselves with alcohol, drugs, etc., till it gets so bad, we start thinking about suicide.

I don't want people to get hurt because of their emotions. It's part of the reason I write this blog. I lived off of my emotions for years and then discovered through a bible study at church, that our emotions is where the devil can find a way into our lives and then, through other ugly or bad thoughts, own us! If we're not careful? He can sneak in very quickly, without us knowing it, and the next thing you know? Well, you get the picture.

Thankfully we have a blessed Savior who will forgive us, no matter what we've done wrong. He loves us and is the King of Second Chances! 

Lord, I'm not tough enough for this world anymore. I'm in constant pain, and I need You so much! Please? Don't ever let me go? I love You Lord. Please continue to help me through the hard times and even harder times that might be yet to come? I'm nothing without You and can't get anywhere without You. I need You so much.

Jesus? Please, keep saving me?