Attn: All Approval Addicts!

Sometimes little kids can attach way too much importance to the opinions of their 'imperfect" earthly parents, thinking they are "perfect." Thus, we begin an endless path of trying to gain the approval of our parents instead of that of our Heavenly Father, which eventually can feel like banging your head up against a wall. 

When my parents got divorced, our mom said she divorced him because he was a lousy father who spent more time in the garage than he ever did with us. But once he married my mom's older sister, our aunt, he was a great father to my cousins and I began to wonder, "What is wrong with me?" and "Why doesn't he love us?" My mom remarried as well and he had two sons, so my brother and I got left out a lot. When our dad began to call to say he couldn't make it that week because our aunt was sick, (which happened a lot), and our mom stopped being affectionate or kissing us goodnight? Well, what else was a 9 yr old supposed to think?

I wound up all screwed up and constantly trying to get the approval of my parents or teachers, and to this day, I still don't have my father's and I don't think I ever had my mom's either. I wasn't doing any of the things my mom accused me of, like sleeping around, doing drugs, etc. and was nearly a straight A student, but it still wasn't enough. She told me those things so often I began to think, "Okay, well she already thinks I'm doing it, so maybe I'll just go do it!" The drugs I did killed the pain for a few years, but I had no idea that what I was really doing was just hurting myself. All the abandonment issues of rejection, neglect, emotional and physical abuse and her constant screaming, left me feeling like she, nor my father, ever really cared. 

I wound up a workaholic and a perfectionist. A lot of approval addicts do. While my bosses and their approval was deeply satisfying because I had done a good job, it pulled me back to the "other side of the road?" (See, now we understand WHY the Chicken really crossed the road! He wanted the approval of another chicken!). 

When I learned that I was doing things upside down, it changed me forever. I stopped attaching my self-worth to what my parents and other people thought of me, and began thinking about what God thought of me instead! That changed me almost overnight when I caught ahold of it. 

If you struggle with feelings of insecurity, that you're not, or ever will be good enough for others? You're looking for approval in the wrong place. God is the one you need to get approval from. Man will never be able to give that to you. Only our Heavenly Father can! When we begin to think about our self-worth by what God says about us in His word, seeing ourselves through His lenses, we can see that we are loved "no matter what!" (See Deuteronomy 31:6 & Hebrews 13:5).

"For you were CHOSEN before the foundations of the world to be holy and blameless in HIM!" (Ephesians 1:4). That's one of my all time favorite verses! It's STUNNING to me when I stop to really THINK about what that verse means. I never actually "belonged" to my parents because I am a Child of God. They were just my "earthly caretakers" for awhile and you know what? I didn't have to work nearly as hard to please God as I had worked, for all of those years, trying to please my parents or other people.

God, being the good Father that He is, slowly began to change me. Over a period of time, the more I got to know my real "Father," it was the best place emotionally, or spiritually, that I'd ever been. I know He is with me every second of every day. He had never left me. I had left Him! Once I realized that? A lot of things about the way my thought process worked, began to change. When you call to God as "deep calls to deep" seeking Him, He shows up! "For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." (Matthew 6:32-33). This particular bible verse, as well as a lot of other verses, helped me to understand that my "identity" lies in Jesus Christ alone. He is my Father, Savior and best of all? He's my best friend.  

There are days coming that will test the metal that we're all made of. I want to be "Iron that sharpens Iron!" (Proverbs 27:17). So be encouraged! Your Father in heaven loves you so much, that He gave His only Son, to DIE on a cross of wood, just for you so that you wouldn't have to. He accepts you, just as you are! 

It's because He is a "Good, Good Father!" 

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? 
If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:1).