I'm hurting. A lot of people are hurting. The world is Satan's playground and he is causing more havoc than usual. From fractured marriages to men and women losing their husbands and wives, or a 25 year old Missionary coming home from Africa only to find out she has a brain tumor. Those are just a few things I know of personally and then there is the usual fare of murder/suicide, armed robbery, mayhem of all types including senseless violence, senseless abuse, verbal, physical and otherwise....so many things that are bad. It makes you just want to crawl into a hole and pull it in after you!
On the days that I feel overwhelmed and frozen, numb to the point that I feel like I can't move forward, I try really hard to remember what Christ went through on the Cross for me, for you, for all of us. He didn't want us to go through trouble, defeat, sadness, strife or any kind of pain or horrible circumstances alone. He did what He did so that the Holy Comforter, the Holy Spirit would be there for us to grab onto so that we would feel His protection and His love.
We must guard our hearts in Christ. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23). Even when we are pushed passed the limits of what we think we can handle, we have to remember that He can handle anything and He will handle it for us if we just ask Him to step in, hold our hand and walk with us through whatever it may be that holds us hostage from moving forward and living our utmost for His highest!
When you find yourself empty and in despair, just remember that "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:7). He can do anything. Even if you're tired of waiting, keep being patient, because He will reward you for it! "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." (Hebrews 10:36).
No matter what you are going through, there are others on this planet who are going through far worse. No matter how battered, bruised and helpless you feel in your situation, know that it could be worse and just be stronger than you have ever been before. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!" (Philippians 4:13). This should be just one verse we bring to our minds on purpose the minute we wake everyday. The other one is, "This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24). These two verses will automatically set your mind on Christ which will change your mindset for the day. If you learn how to change your "self-talk," you will already have a head start on the evil one!
I've got a lot of issues right now that have me up against a wall, but Jesus is standing between me and the problems I face so that they are not allowed to swallow me whole, destroying me and my ability to witness to others for Christ. He holds my heart, my mind and my soul, and He is never going to let go. If you believe that? Then no matter how tired, no matter how battered you are by this life, just put down your sword, and come and sit with Him for awhile. Let Him hold you, Let Him know your pain, because He does care. "Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you!" (1 Peter 5:7).
Talk to the Lord. I speak to Him out loud like He's my best friend sitting right next to me! I talk to Him constantly, in order to continue on in this life waiting for the day when He will come and carry me away. "Pray without ceasing." (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
If you need to be filled again because you feel like you're runnin on empty? Come to Him now. He is there waiting for you. He wants you to feel His love for you. Let Him love you. He will help you get to the finish line. "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win." (1 Corinthians 9:24).
We are all running a race, but when we run towards Christ in every situation, giving Him praise in the good times, and running towards Him as fast as we can in the bad times, the problems will seem to slip away into the ether. Even if it's just for awhile, He is still giving us relief from the problems that overwhelm us so that we can continue to "run so as to win" the race.
Wherever you may be on your journey, up or down, remember He is there and that He wants you to come to Him when you need Him. Don't miss out on the greatest friendship you will ever have.
Come and drink from the wellspring of life and be refreshed so you can make it through another day. He will be waiting!
Years ago in a multi-level marketing company I learned a principle of how to sell my product. It was called "The Three Foot Rule." The Three Foot Rule basically means that you needed to approach everyone who was within three feet of you, and tell them about your product. I was even told that it takes 10 no's to get a yes. I had no idea at the time that God was training me to be an Evangelist, and I want to teach you the process so that talking about Jesus isn't such a burdensome thing to you.
Jesus was the first multi-level marketer to walk the earth. He recruited the 12 disciples, and taught them how to spread the word, recruiting others, telling them about who He was and what He could do for people if they would just believe in Him!
I have a challenge - call it "Evangelism in Reverse." All you need to do is be bold. Speak with confidence, the confidence you get in Christ, "Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God." (2 Corinthians 3:4).
There are just three questions that go along with The Three Foot Rule. #1 - "If you died today, do you know whether or not you would go to heaven?" Explain there is a way to know for sure. Then ask the 2nd and 3rd questions. #2 - "Let me ask you this, if you walked outside and got hit by a bus, and were suddenly standing before God and He asked you 'Why should I let you into my heaven?' What would you say?" Most people will immediately go to "Well, I've tried to.....be a good person, not sin against my brother...a plethora of ideas will jump to their minds. The ones who answer 'Because I trust Jesus who died for my sins,' are our brothers and sisters in Christ and should be encouraged with a hug or some such greeting of encouragement! Teach them the 3 questions! RECRUIT THEM!
Then there is the final and best question of all...#3 -"Say you were at Niagra Falls and some lunatic was walking across the falls on a tight rope. He gets to your side and asks 'How many think I can make it to the other side and back again?' Of course all the people will cheer him on. When he comes back, he's got a wheelbarrow with him. Then he asks, 'How many think I can get across and back with this wheelbarrow.' The crowd, again, will cheer. What would you do if he asked, 'Can I get a volunteer to get in the wheelbarrow?' You probably wouldn't get in the wheelbarrow would you? Well....what if Jesus was pushing that wheelbarrow? Would you get in?"
Suddenly you have changed the game, pulled a fast one, and basically explained the entire story. If they don't know who Jesus is, you will have to explain how he died for all of our sins, descended into hell to set the captives free, took the keys of hell from Satan, and then rose again from the dead 3 days later, appeared to many and then after 40 days, ascended into heaven, giving us the "Great Commission."
"Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw him, they worshiped him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
If you are bold enough, are gregarious enough, to talk to people in person, be nice to them, start up a conversation with them while you wait for a prescription, or sit together at a concert, or on a bus, in the doctor's office, anywhere there are people within three feet of you, then you can be a "Three Foot Evangelist."
The key to the effective Three Foot Evangelist is to NOT DOUBT GOD! When God sends you with a message, he means for you to speak the message. Jesus gave us the message, He gave us the product, Himself. If you have the ability to talk about a product, then you can certainly talk about Jesus!
I wonder sometimes why people are so afraid to do that? Is their walk right with God? Well...is it? Do you trust the Creator? Do you trust His son? Do you feel the indwelling of the Holy Spirit? Then what is the delay? We are in the last days. It is evident. So be bold and courageous. We were made to be prophets, and do even more than Christ. Jesus said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do,
he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go
to the Father." (John 14:12).
So you Three Foot Rule Evangelists, get movin. Everyone within 3 feet of you needs Jesus. If you need encouragement moving forward with the gift of evangelism, I have it. I will coach you - just call! I'm always answering the phone for somebody! I take prayer requests, I encourage other Christians and I save the lost with these posts and praying the prayer with those who call upon me as as friend in Christ, or just as a friend.
We don't have to talk about religion. I just want to talk about Jesus! He is the way the truth and the life, and no one comes to the father but through Him! (John 14:16). We need to get that message out - we are in the last days! The time is short! Jesus will return for His bride very soon!
I have to say it again, since April, I feel as if I am born again, again. There is no way to describe it. God just reached in and ended my sorrow, filled me with His joy, gave me His grace and made me want to fill the world with music, His word, and His love. I make sure to spread the word every where I go.
Kneel to Him again, be refreshed. Be born again. Give it all to him! "Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7).
God Bless you all. Be a Three Foot Evangelist. LIVE THE LIFE! THAT IS THE ONLY WAY THEY WILL KNOW! God wants for us to trust in Him, and when you are trusting in Him, He will make things happen in your life! I AM LIVING PROOF! I TRULY FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!
Go get em! Let's bring them into the Kingdom. Let's Bring Them All HOME!
Ever had a bridge so difficult to cross that you couldn't figure out a way over it? Maybe the rickety bridge was unstable, maybe it wasn't safe to cross so you just stood there looking at it, paralyzed, not able to move forward, backward, or any other way, knowing that you must cross it, just deciding not to.
Wondering what to do, perhaps you came to the conclusion that you could do it alone. So without any help, you devised a way to cross, but you were still unsure of whether you would make it, taking a huge risk, knowing that the bridge may not be sound enough to make it even half way before the bridge collapsed from under you.
Sometimes, we forget that God's bridge is always there. The bridge created by His mercy when He gave His only son Jesus, who walked the earth for just 33 years until he was crucified, taking all of our sins upon Himself. He is the one who built us a solid, sturdy and unshakeable bridge that connects us directly with our Creator and it is the only way to God.
Jesus told us, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No man comes to the Father but by me." (John 14:6), which means there are no other ways to God but by faith in Christ. "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9).
Some believe there are many pathways to heaven and God, but there is only one. "For
the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after
their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching
ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables." (2 Timothy 4:3-4). In essence this means that "They have exchanged the truth of God for a lie." (Romans 1:25).
We can build or fashion the bridge any way we want. We can build it with works, or years of service to the church, but without faith in Christ, a true belief in the fact that he bled, died, and rose again from the dead paying the ultimate price for our sins, we shall not stand with Him in eternity.
Without faith in God and the redemptive work of Christ on the cross, done on our behalf, the bridge we have built ourselves will crumble into pieces, leaving us hanging with no way out. And instead of Indiana Jones, who always finds a way, we will fall to our eternal deaths because we simply failed to trust Him! "There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham,
and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the Kingdom of God, and
you yourselves thrust out." (Luke 13:28).
Why take the chance? Only you can make the choice to live, or to die. The days are growing shorter, as we watch the Middle East exploding around the tiny Nation of Israel, who is prepared to launch against Iran, who is 5-6 months away, some believe, from having a nuclear weapon.
It is time to awaken church, to the fact that there are non believers everywhere around us, even sitting next to us in the pews, who will all go to hell if you don't speak up! The days of trouble are upon us. It is time to stop worrying about what we wear, or how cool we look. It is time to think on the eternal things, rather than the temporal. This is a temporary life, just as it always has been from the moment you breathed your first breath! Nothing but the Word of God, Jesus, will remain.
Wouldn't you rather walk through a revolving door into Heaven with Jesus than get left behind on this earth for seven years of hell known as the Tribulation? In Revelation 4:1, the prophet John, who was being held in chains on the Island of Patmos because of his faith in Christ, was told to "Come up Hither," by God who showed him the things that were to come and he wrote the account, which is the entire book of Revelation. I will admit, it is frightening to read about the wrath God is going to pour out upon this earth, but wouldn't you rather read about it than live it? We will be called up to Heaven before it starts, so again, why take the chance?
If you don't know Him, ask Jesus to forgive you for your sins, and to come and dwell within you, to help you live your life for Him. It can be hard at first, but find yourself a church with true Bible believers and they will help you in our brand new life and walk with Christ.
Remember, the bridge was made solid by Jesus Christ. He was the builder, so there is no way you can go wrong with Him. He is the cornerstone that was rejected. Go to Him with your sin, rejection, defeat, pain fears and suffering and you will find your way. You will find joy, happiness and above all, you will finally have peace with Jesus as your savior. When times get tough, call upon His name, and He will save you!
There is a cross to bridge the great divide. Jesus built it for us so that we wouldn't have to suffer. He died so that we might live and have life to the full. So go have that life to the full that He so graciously and wondrously promised us! He is there...He is waiting for you!
We've all seen the blow up in the Middle East this week starting on 9/11. We know it is not because of a Coptic Christian in Egypt who put out an anti-Islamic movie 6 months ago.
The Taliban/AlQueda have been planning the coordinated protests and the attack on the American Embassy in Libya for several months. All Marines stationed at all Embassies are basically left defenseless by a bright foreign policy that does not allow them to carry guns with live ammunition!
The Embassy in Libya was a transitional facility, and had no contingent of Marines, but was staffed by State Department and Libyan Security Officers. The Libyan's took our Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens, a California Native, Graduate of Piedmont High and UC Berkley, and 3 others, including 2 Navy Seals to a safe house, then the Libyans gave up where they were. Our Ambassador was unaccounted for for 8 hours. They drug him through the streets, already dead. The photos make that very obvious, and I have a friend in high places who made it very clear, he was executed. In the end, 4 American's were dead and 3 others persons were injured. My prayers go out to all of the families, especially our Ambassador Chris Stevens, a fine American.
You may be asking does this have anything to do with 9/11? All I can say to that is DUH? It was the 11th anniversary. Of course this was all about 9/11 from the very beginning, but the White House and the State Department want to blame a film maker who made a film 6 months ago and our Liberal's with by lines, (the main stream media), want to blame Mitt Romney!
After speaking with an intelligence official who happens to be a very reliable source, friend, and great American this evening I believe it is time that America's Church's begin looking into either Security details, or having congregants permitted to own and licensed to carry a firearm in order to protect their congregations, their pastors, and anyone who might attend their church.
I don't speak much of my background, but I was a paralegal for a few years, and worked criminal law. I know the laws in the state I live in, California and anyone with a permit to own a gun can obtain a license to carry in public. If you have such a permit, get licensed to carry and start protecting your congregation, and please, urge all pastors to look into purchasing a bullet proof vest. It is completely legal for a pastor to wear one in the state of California. Other states, have different laws. If you are not in California, call your local police department, or check your State Government websites for information regarding the laws in your state.
Church's, Christians, they are coming to get us next. WE ARE SOFT TARGETS! If you think the violence is over there, and is not going to touch us over here, think again. It is not a matter of "IF" anymore, it is a matter of "WHEN!" They have 40,000 trained Hezbollah terrorists in this country, who came through the southern borders of Arizona and California and are now situated all over the United States. Sensitive targets in each state should be on high alert.
This message is a warning. Please, don't let this information slip from your hands. I know the law in my state, check the laws in yours and please, protect yourselves and please stay safe.
God Bless you all, God Bless the United States of America and above all, God Save the Church, her Pastors, Priests, Preachers, Praise/Worship Teams, Congregations and Visitors. Amen.
It was a beautiful sunny day in New York City 11 years ago today. The kind of day that made one grateful to be alive and living in The Big Apple. Then that grace and gratefulness felt by so many would end at 8:46 AM EST as the first plane hit World Trade Center Tower 1, where a friend I knew for years was in the "Windows on the World," restaurant waiting for her boss and a client for a meeting. They never found her.
Of course bedlam followed. Every firefighter and Cop in New York, the Port Authority Police, all were involved as 1st Reponder's to try to help the injured, and save who ever they could. Then another plane hit the 2nd tower. Suddenly the game changed from an out of control jet to a full on attack of our Nation. Evacuation orders, people going down the stairwells, firemen going up. And then the unthinkable. The South Tower collapsed. Something everyone in the US and around the world watched in horror. We also watched as people fell to their deaths from the North Tower choosing to jump rather than suffocate or burn to death. The sadness...is still with me. I can still see the radio tower as it disappeared into a cloud of smoke and flame as the North Tower collapsed. Tears are running down my face as I type this as the memories are still so fresh and harsh.
But how do you
celebrate a hero? How do you celebrate a hero when so many hero's gave
their lives on one day and then many others followed in two wars to take down
the tyranny and genocidal regimes responsible for trying to destroy your
Country? One thing we can do is try to remember the many miraculous stories that came out of the rescues that occurred while stretchers covered with American Flags were being carried by other Fire Fighters, hero's themselves in the aftermath.
There were many heroic stories. One was where several civilians and firefighters who had been buried in a stairwell, covered in debris, were found, and lived to tell the tale. Just one of many miracles to be told later. One man stopping for a band aid for a new pair of shoes was late for work. The shoe's hurt his feet. Another a dad dropping off his daughter for school, her first day of kindergarten, all of them late for some reason, watching as the first plane flew into Tower 1. Can you imagine? They are hero's simply for escaping, but I doubt that they would see it that way.
I can't say what it felt like, I wasn't there, but that day, here in California, I left my job at lunch and went to a local drug store in the town I worked in and found two American Flags that you can attach to your car windows. I was honked at all the way home. The Unity we all felt was an amazing testament to the Spirit of our Country.
There were other hero's that day. Another plane hit the Pentagon a little while after the 2nd plane hit the 2nd tower, and then another flight, Flight 93, full of hero's. Civilian Hero's who we will never forget. They saved many that day. The call of "Let's Roll," became our battle cry to get those who were responsible for the horrific attacks planned and carried out by 19 Saudi terrorists on the orders of Khalid Sheik Mohammed and Usama Bin Laden.
Many felt the calling to defend our Nation against those who took so many innocent people from us that day. Pat Tillman, the famous football player who died from friendly fire. Casey Sheehan, a medic that my two oldest kids actually went to school with. My own oldest son, who served 3 tours proudly and with honor and with God's grace, made it home safely all 3 times not to mention countless other hero's who gave the ultimate sacrifice.
This photo was supposedly drawn by a soldier on his way to go put down the Taliban in Afghanistan. I am not sure of the origin, or if that story is true, but today seemed like a good day to show it, because, well, this is just who we are. We are America. And nobody screws with America.
This is a tribute to those who gave their lives that day. To the Fire Fighters, the NYPD, the Port Authority Police Officers, Pentagon Officials and staff, Airline Pilots, their Flight Attendants, their passengers, and to the men and women who rushed the cockpit of flight 93, saving countless lives crashing into a field in Pennsylvania. Their heroism is unspeakable. They knew they were going to die, yet they did it anyway.
God Bless them all, God Save the United States of America and especially on this day Lord? Be with those who lost a friend, loved one, father, sister, mother, son, daughter, cousin,....they are the hero's now. We must follow in the grace of their footsteps. Their grief, their loss...their heroism in what came after.
Please continue to pray for our men and women in uniform in Afghanistan and serving around the world. Freedom isn't Free.
I have the gift of prophecy and there is nowhere for a prophet to hide, but nobody wants to listen to one either. People made fun of Noah till it started to rain didn't they? Well people can judge me all they want, call me crazy etc, but....
JESUS IS COMING BACK TO TAKE HIS BRIDE VERY SOON! GOD CALLED ME BACK FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY OWN HELL (READ THE POST BELOW), TO TELL ME WHAT HE NEEDED ME TO DO! GO AND PREACH THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST!
WE ALL NEED TO GET OUR MINDS ON CHRIST! WE NEED TO GET OUR EYES OFF OUR FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM, OUR CHURCH PROGRAMS, AND STOP MAKING THEM OUR ENTIRE LIFE! THEY CAN BECOME IDOLS AND PULL US FURTHER AWAY FROM GOD AND WHAT HE WANTS FOR OUR LIVES! WE SHOULD ALL BE ON OUR KNEES & GETTING OURSELVES TOGETHER, READING HIS WORD DAILY AND SPENDING OUR TIME WISELY, FOR WE WILL FACE JUDGMENT FOR HOW WE HAVE SPENT OUR TIME ON THIS EARTH, AND FOR EVERY CARELESS WORD WE SPEAK! (MATTHEW 12:3 6). THERE ARE PEOPLE CRYING OUT FOR GOD, DON'T YOU HEAR THEM? AND NOBODY IS ANSWERING THE CALL!
It's time to get our eyes off of ourselves and start looking around for those who are suffering, those who are hurting, sure the post below shows my pain, suffering, hurt, betrayal, etc., but it makes me no less a Christian now does it? This blog was written for many reasons. So people would know who I am, where I come from, the sins I have committed, which I am not afraid to admit because Christ already died for them and they were buried with him, and God has forgiven them, forgotten them and removed them from his sight as far as the east is from the west, (Psalm 103:12), and I am not ashamed to admit my sin if it SAVES JUST ONE PERSON! Believe me, I have one hell of a testimony! IF SOMEONE WILL JUST GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK! "Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God." (1 Peter 4:11a).
Paul said, "This one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind and straining towards what is ahead." (Philippians 3:13). Think for a moment: What would Paul, formerly Saul of Tarsus, the most notorious Pharisee/killer/torturer of Christians see if he had ever looked over his shoulder? HE WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTHLESS TO GOD, JUST LIKE I HAVE BEEN FOR YEARS! Not looking behind is what I've been trying to do, and have been quite successful at it but people like my pastor think I need a "program" to recover from my past when Christ has done the work already! I may talk too much, but I think it's because I'm meant to be a motivational speaker or maybe get up and tell my story so that I CAN SAVE THOSE WHO ARE LOST! Again, 1 Peter 4:11 a spells it out very clearly. It's what I've been called to do. I now know for sure that that "program" was a detour. I WANT TO SAVE PEOPLE, GOD ALREADY SAVED ME AND I DON'T NEED NO CHIPS, 12 STEPS, OR ANY OF THAT TO ACCOMPLISH WHAT HE HAS CALLED ME TO ACCOMPLISH! He has already prepared me for the battle to come and I AM READY! BRING IT ON!
Time to die to self church. CRUCIFY YOUR FLESH, PICK UP YOUR CROSS AND FOLLOW THE ONE WHO SAVED US ALL! Be cleansed of your sin, erase what you've become, let go of the past and start again! Let go of what you've done. It's only holding you back. Let's get out there and do what we were called to do by Christ Himself!
IT'S CALLED "THE GREAT COMMISSION!"
Then the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain where Jesus had told them to go. When they saw Him, they worshiped Him; but some doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. THEREFORE GO AND MAKE DISCIPLES OF ALL NATIONS, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:16-20)
THE CLOCK IS TICKING LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. NOW GET OUT THERE AND DO AS CHRIST COMMANDED YOU TO DO! WE ARE ALL SINNERS, BUT CONFESS IT, AND HE WILL FORGIVE IT! (1 John 1:9). Time to erase yourself. Live for Christ, become Christ. For you owe Him your very life. Forgive yourself and forget about it, just like God has forgotten what you've done to be remembered no more!
Let mercy come and wash away all the wrongs that we have done. Start again, even if you have doubts. Just get on your knees and pray for God to give you the strength you will need, You may lose some friends, and that will hurt, but just remember, what you say, will stick after the rapture. Then, perhaps you will still have a chance to see them in heaven if they refuse to take the mark of the beast. (Revelation 13:16-17)
I fear no man, no woman, no government, I know God is with me, as He is with us all! And "if God be for us, who can be against us? (Romans 8:31). But we also need to have a reverential fear of God. Mine? It make me joyful! Knowing I am walking in faith, with Him at my side, all the time, watching me, listening to me, it makes me want to do more to please Him! That reverential fear, is more like a reverential friendship of joy, caution, and everlasting peace! Do not think of it as "fear" because that is not what comes from it! "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (Proverbs 9:10).
I can sit here and write - that I am in full obedience to Christ. I have "surrendered all." All that I have. All that I am is His. I am His. He is mine. That will never change.
I married the wrong man. He was sick, in love with sex more than me. Even after 4 kids, he refuses to recognize me on Mother's day. He has never remembered my birthday, and I was just young, stupid and very insecure when I fell for an obviously screwed up guy who thought because he had a good job and provided for me, that in those acts, he was showing me that he loved me. I'm sorry I was so stupid God.
He was 30, and didn't want to get married, but married me anyway, because he felt I had "trapped" him into it. I didn't trap him, my pills which were the wrong hormonal strength and were new, didn't work and I got pregnant.
Growing up in the home I did, I was always the submissive one, trying to be good, not cause trouble, but still never felt approved of. Some days I still don't, but then God reminds me I am His, and that nobody can take that away, unless I let the devil control my thoughts and emotions.
This post is written out of frustration and utter despair at my current situation. I feel there is no way out. I have no family, no money, and I feel lost, except for Jesus, who is all I have. I've gone to plenty of churches, none of these pastors have the gonads to come and confront him for bringing a woman into my house 2x a week for sex! I just keep thinking that there has to be a better life than this out there somewhere and I trust God to do His will in my life, but it gets hard when all you live with is condemnation, out and out hatred and a "ha ha" attitude. I feel totally rejected. He's even got my own kids turned against me and everything that ever goes wrong, is my fault.
I have been separated from my ex for 10 years and was living on my own until I got death bed ill in April 2008. My doctor had put me on the wrong medication for fibromyalgia and it nearly killed me. My ex moved me back in promising reconciliation and got me to to give up the garnishments of alimony and child support and promised he would pay my bills. Then when I brought him one I needed paid, he laughed in my face as he said, "I'm not gonna pay any of your f***in bills!
So I gave it all up, just trying to keep the peace and to let him know I loved him and was serious about the reconciliation and then he refused to pay my bills as promised. On top of that, he refused to give me any money. I would have to BEG. I tried so hard to please him but nothing worked.
Then the real bomb hit. He admitted that he had been seeing a woman before he moved me back in, and even though he had promised to reconcile, which I thought we had, because we were intimate again, he told me he had never stopped seeing her or having sex with her. He had been cheating ever since he moved me back in, I don't know how many there were in between, but now I have to suffer in tears when his new girlfriend comes here a couple of times a week for sex. This is the house my kids were raised in, the home we had so many good memories in. He is hurting me beyond belief every time he does this, and yet he does it anyway. Killing off another piece of my heart every time. I am living in "Punishment World." And I have no way out.
Yeah, I married the wrong guy. I wish I hadn't. I could have had 4 great wonderful kids with somebody else, a man who put GOD first in everything, a man who would have prayed with me every day, a man who would have gone to church with me, a man who would've studied the bible with me, and prayed especially about the big decisions. A man I would have had no problem submitting to, who would have pulled me back and said, "No honey, let me show you how this works," when it came to finances.
When I got pregnant and he didn't want to marry me, my father offered to let me come home and stay with him until the baby was born, and he said he would have helped me. There are so many times that I wish I had done just that instead of marrying this sexually addicted jerk.
I have no love left for this heartless man who seems to enjoy the game of hurting me every chance he gets. We got bad news about our taxes this year? The reason we owed so much? He took his entire Air Force retirement to live on while waiting on his DD214 showing he was honorably discharged. They taxed it twice because he took the money before he was 59 1/2 yrs old. HE BLAMED IT ON ME! Can you believe that? I even talked to our tax lady and she asked about a $7,000 entry on one of my 1099's. It was from a law suit. The check was for $7500 and I only got $3000. Our federal tax burden was $8400. I saved him $4500 of that, and it's still all my fault.
Oh if only I had a Fairy God Mother.
If there is a prince charming out there who likes to fix things maybe I'm the girl for you. I have so much love to give and I think that is what is hurting me the most, is that I have nobody to give it to. I love in the same way that Jesus loved us. He gave His all. I will do the same. I'd step in front of a bullet for the right guy.
I need someone to save me God? Where is he? I pray for him every day because I know he is out there somewhere. Lord, I will be 50 on September 23rd. I want the 2nd half to be better than the 1st. Please bless me and grant me the ability to feel real love for the first time in my life? But above all Lord, may it be your will that is done and not mine.
There is a book out there that talks about Jesus being a woman's bridegroom. The only problem I have with it is this: It seems to be written for lonely women on every front. Those who haven't found a mate, those who were left by their spouse and those that are divorced.
In doctrine, Jesus is Bridegroom to us all. Not just the women. This book is written by women for women, and I'm sorry, but with the days so short, instead of playing emotional tag with the devil shouldn't we be girding our loins with the truth of God's word - I mean MEAT AND VEGGIES PEOPLE! The stuff that will keep you going in the midst of a battle! Not some girly book that might heal a woman's heart, but rather the big book, for adults, called "The Bible," written to heal all of our hurts? All of our hearts? There is no middle ground. You're either hot, or you are cold.
I just left a message for my Monday night class facilitator and told her, "I need more meat and veggies. I want to do Daniel or Ezekiel." We're just too close to the end! And what people do not recognize is that the devil, the father of lies, is using our EMOTIONS against us, just like he's using this book to get women to trade in what they know is true for some fairy tale about Jesus.
Yeah, you know the one. The one who took it upon Himself to DIE FOR US, the one who took it upon Himself to DESCEND INTO HELL AND SET THE CAPTIVES FREE WHILE TAKING THE KEYS FROM SATAN, the one who against every odd ever taken ROSE TRIUMPHANTLY FROM THE DEAD TO ASCEND TO THE RIGHT HAND OF THE THRONE AND THEN SEND US A COMFORTER, THE HOLY SPIRIT! (See Acts 2:1-13).
I don't know, maybe it is because I live in a living hell with my own ex husband, having to depend upon him for everything. I HATE THAT! I hate being sick, and I truly hate watching that man, who we bore 4 kids together, who I have loved for 27 years, parade a girlfriend into the home my kids grew up in for a little weekly "activity" once or twice a week. Gimme a break. Jesus is not a FAIRY TALE - HE IS REAL! I CAN FEEL HIM HERE WITH ME AT NIGHT WHEN THOSE TORMENTED FEELINGS ARISE! HE HOLDS ME, HE WHISPERS IN MY EAR - WHY DO I NEED A FREAKIN BOOK WHEN I HAVE THE REAL THING ALREADY?
Oh I've prayed, and I've prayed, but now? Now they are taking weekend excursions together. That's a little more serious than him just using her for sex. How do I deal with that? I turn to the KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS! FOR SOME DAY I SHALL BE VINDICATED!
I recently found out that if he wanted to, he could have me evicted. I only moved back in in 2008 due to my illness. The truth that came about? He got me to give up the garnishments of Alimony and Child support, which he got without much fuss, although it was under duress while he yelled and screamed at me. I let it go, me not wanting to fan the flame, if you know what I mean. He even promised to pay my bills and when I finally went to him with one I couldn't pay, he laughed in my face. He was making 6K a month at the time.
So how am I supposed to do this study where the title of Chapter 2 is "Some day my prince will come," when HE'S ALREADY HERE?
My Jesus was born of a virgin. He lived as a carpenter for 30 yrs and then began His ministry, at the end of which everyone who loved Him on Palm Sunday spat at Him as He climbed Golgotha's Hill and then watched as He was nailed to a tree to pay the ultimate price for all of us. He gave His life. How can I read about Him being anything but that? For "by his stripes we are healed!" (Isaiah 53:5). Let me tell ya something folks: At that moment in time? He looked like anything but a "Prince." He was my LORD AND MY GOD!
I've been hurt - I have an illness that isn't going away, and I just cannot see where this helps women to see Jesus in another light. As the guy who lights the candles on your birthday cake, or opens the door for you like a gentleman, all of that "current day" crap! I started to read and thought I had picked up the wrong book!
He is NOT the God we want. He is the God who IS! TIME TO DEAL WITH IT!
The days are short. We need the Bible and meat and yukky vegetables if we are going to endure to the end. Not some version of Sleeping Beauty mixed with Prince Jesus come to save the day. Yea, he will save the day alright, with us riding at His side, the Army of God, riding with Him on that day when those who go against Israel will cry out for mercy and receive NONE!
I don't know about you ladies, but I never liked "fairy tales," anyway. I like books of non fiction like THE BIBLE!
When I went looking for "prince charming," it was Grace that found me!
Thank you Jesus. It's your grace I need, it's your loving arms I need, it's your truth, your steadfastness.....your love. Thing is? It was there all the time. I am one of those strange people....being alone out here, when I go to sleep at night, I feel you holding me, and I'm sorry, cause I don't mean to upset anyone, but what I feel with you every day, is way better than any book.
You are all I've ever needed, from the day you faced Calvary's Cross to save me, until now, when you will be there throughout the tests that are to come. Thank you Jesus.
You ARE thankfully not the GOD I WANT, but rather You are the GOD WHO IS! AND YES, I CAN DEAL WITH THAT!
At 2 pm today a teen was found dead in a car in Stockton, California along 12th street. Whether male or female, the article didn't say. Then there was a drive by in Stockton on East Street at 10 pm tonight, followed by a drive by in the 1100 block of South Commerce, again, in Stockton, in which one male teen was instantly killed by a gunman's bullet and another male teen was taken to the hospital in critical but stable condition.
I've never had to live with this type of violence, but so many parents have had to that I wanted to make this a prayer for parents and families, especially the mother's tonight.
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to you now to lift up the mother's and their families who have lost their son and possibly a daughter today, as well as to another family who waits to see if their son will live or die.
Lord Jesus, help them to call upon you, for your mercy, your grace, your forgiveness, even when we are not in sin, you and I both know Lord, that they will blame themselves as we family members, especially us mom's have a tendency to do. Lord God, please just fill them with your peace? Give them what they need to get through this awful, most painful ordeal they are going through, and please lift up their neighbor's and friends to help them through this horrific time in life that no parent should ever have to go through. Please provide enough companionship for them that they do not have to go through this alone.
Lord, if this occurred because of gang activity of some sort, please Lord, find a voice other than that of the "usual type," to go in and help these young people make peace amongst themselves, and help each other forge a new peace in their neighborhoods, for this is certainly not what you intended for them! This is not what you want Lord. You want us to "love one another even as you have loved us." (John 15:12), not this mania!
Finally Lord, I lift up the Stockton California Police Department to you. Keep them safe, and give them an extra measure of blessing of safety since budget cuts have left fewer and fewer cops on the streets. For those who reach out to these families, bless them especially Father God, for they are the ones truly going above and beyond the call of duty, no matter how strained the relationship between the two groups. Help these men and women go in regular clothing, pay their respects and ask if there is anything they can do to help. It's when we ignore the great commission, that we become hard in heart, like a rock beating inside of us, just barely keeping us alive. There is so much more love, friendship and a common spirit of cleaning up the streets that must be done here. Give someone the mantle Lord Jesus and help them to save our children!
In Jesus name, Amen.
