It's been a full week since the world lost the beloved and wonderfully talented Robin Williams. For some reason, for me, it has been devastating. I don't believe that during my lifetime, the death of any other actor or actress has affected me so greatly or made me feel such grief or anguish. I guess that's because I followed his career from his appearances on "Happy Days" which gave him a spin off in "Mork & Mindy," which I watched every episode of. I was devastated when after four seasons, it went off the air. And from Garp to Aladdin, I watched just about every movie he ever made, and saw all of his specials as well. I thought he was the funniest comedian of my lifetime. He made it easier to run from my own problems, even if it was just for a little while.
On top of this horrible feeling of loss, I learned with the rest of the world last Thursday, that there were reports that William's wife, Susan, reported that he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's and was struggling through the first symptoms of the disease but wasn't ready to share it publicly. While watching his recent work on CBS in "The Crazy Ones," I thought there was something off. I even wondered what it was. I just shrugged it off as age, but that wasn't it. His Parkinson's symptoms were starting to show. They were the same symptoms that literally destroyed Michael J. Fox's career in the early 1990's. I now believe that the cancellation of his show, the diagnosis and the great fear that because of his battle with severe depression he would fall back into alcoholism again made the pain he was feeling just completely excruciating. I just don't think he could handle it, not that there is any shame in that. Some of us are strong enough to do so and some of us are not. It's really just that simple.
There was one bright ray of hope for me in one of the interviews he did with Diane Sawyer back in 2006 discussing his recent stint in rehab. During that interview, he said, "I would call it the ultimate Christian Gift. It's the idea of you are back and you realize that the things that matter are others way beyond yourself. Self goes away. Ego, bye bye. You realize that there are a lot of amazing people out there to be grateful for. And a loving God. And other than that, good luck. That's what life is about."
He was right. That is what life is about, especially when you are a believer in Jesus Christ. It's about dying to self and learning to live for others. William's showed this in spades while giving to others through philanthropic means and through performing for our troops. He was a part of the USO tours from 2003-2013, just last year. He did so much for our men and women in uniform and for others for so many years through the compassion that was definitely a gift from God, that even though he did kill himself, for which I'm sure he asked forgiveness from God beforehand, I dare say that with all he did for others, that his mansion in heaven will be way bigger than mine! "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23), but God loves us all unconditionally and suicide is not a sin that God cannot forgive! The only unpardonable sin is to not believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God! It's called "blaspheming the Holy Spirit." (Mark 3:29).
Although I'm still grieving this horrible loss along with so many others, especially Robin's family, and wishing that he had more strength to latch onto God and not let go, living out his life quietly with his family around him, I do understand. I too have suffered from severe depression in fact, I'm bi-polar, as I suspect Williams was. The highs of mania are wonderful and the lows of the depression are excruciating. I not only attempted suicide a few times, I have struggled with the thoughts constantly until recently when I recognized satan as the liar he is and asked God to remove the evil spirit that was antagonizing me constantly telling me to "just end it all. The world would be better off without you." This is the most difficult thing I have ever admitted in this blog. Perhaps it is why his death has hit me so hard, but I do know one thing. Robin is with the Lord now, and I will get to meet him the day Jesus calls me into the clouds and takes me Home! If you struggle with thoughts of suicide, please get help? You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
For now, I will pray for Robin's family and watch his performances and laugh and laugh and laugh and cry and cry and cry, and I will ask God to give him a message for me. That I understand and that I will always love him and will never forget him.
He is after all, simply unforgettable and his body of work? Well, he will always be able to make me laugh, make me cry and above all, make me smile!
On top of this horrible feeling of loss, I learned with the rest of the world last Thursday, that there were reports that William's wife, Susan, reported that he had been diagnosed with Parkinson's and was struggling through the first symptoms of the disease but wasn't ready to share it publicly. While watching his recent work on CBS in "The Crazy Ones," I thought there was something off. I even wondered what it was. I just shrugged it off as age, but that wasn't it. His Parkinson's symptoms were starting to show. They were the same symptoms that literally destroyed Michael J. Fox's career in the early 1990's. I now believe that the cancellation of his show, the diagnosis and the great fear that because of his battle with severe depression he would fall back into alcoholism again made the pain he was feeling just completely excruciating. I just don't think he could handle it, not that there is any shame in that. Some of us are strong enough to do so and some of us are not. It's really just that simple.
There was one bright ray of hope for me in one of the interviews he did with Diane Sawyer back in 2006 discussing his recent stint in rehab. During that interview, he said, "I would call it the ultimate Christian Gift. It's the idea of you are back and you realize that the things that matter are others way beyond yourself. Self goes away. Ego, bye bye. You realize that there are a lot of amazing people out there to be grateful for. And a loving God. And other than that, good luck. That's what life is about."
He was right. That is what life is about, especially when you are a believer in Jesus Christ. It's about dying to self and learning to live for others. William's showed this in spades while giving to others through philanthropic means and through performing for our troops. He was a part of the USO tours from 2003-2013, just last year. He did so much for our men and women in uniform and for others for so many years through the compassion that was definitely a gift from God, that even though he did kill himself, for which I'm sure he asked forgiveness from God beforehand, I dare say that with all he did for others, that his mansion in heaven will be way bigger than mine! "We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God," (Romans 3:23), but God loves us all unconditionally and suicide is not a sin that God cannot forgive! The only unpardonable sin is to not believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God! It's called "blaspheming the Holy Spirit." (Mark 3:29).
Although I'm still grieving this horrible loss along with so many others, especially Robin's family, and wishing that he had more strength to latch onto God and not let go, living out his life quietly with his family around him, I do understand. I too have suffered from severe depression in fact, I'm bi-polar, as I suspect Williams was. The highs of mania are wonderful and the lows of the depression are excruciating. I not only attempted suicide a few times, I have struggled with the thoughts constantly until recently when I recognized satan as the liar he is and asked God to remove the evil spirit that was antagonizing me constantly telling me to "just end it all. The world would be better off without you." This is the most difficult thing I have ever admitted in this blog. Perhaps it is why his death has hit me so hard, but I do know one thing. Robin is with the Lord now, and I will get to meet him the day Jesus calls me into the clouds and takes me Home! If you struggle with thoughts of suicide, please get help? You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
For now, I will pray for Robin's family and watch his performances and laugh and laugh and laugh and cry and cry and cry, and I will ask God to give him a message for me. That I understand and that I will always love him and will never forget him.
He is after all, simply unforgettable and his body of work? Well, he will always be able to make me laugh, make me cry and above all, make me smile!
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