Just Another Birthday

You know, they say that "time flies," and they were right. 53 really snuck up on me.

I have a harsh past. I have a harsh present. But I am willing to suffer anything that is necessary for God to finish what He started in me. "For all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).

My kids, my husband, and when my dad called, I was talking about some of the things I've written in this post, and he started to yell at me! I had to hang up on him. I called my cousin Mike, and asked him to tell him I'm sorry, but with everything going on here, and the way my family ignores me, I couldn't handle being yelled at today? I guess I kinda deserve the way I'm treated because some of the things I have done in my recent past? Well, they're pretty bad, so I figure I deserve to be "ignored," like I'm a "ghost" or something? That's how they treat me. You can read about my frailty as a human being, right here in these posts. I don't want to describe it, because the things I felt I "had to do? Well, they were pretty awful and God was not happy with me either.

Long story short, my human side feels totally abandoned. My spiritual side, however, feels full of joy, gratitude, and an amazing feeling about how faithful God has always been to me, even when I haven't been faithful to Him. I'm really thankful for that. He's really all I have left. 

I suffered through a lot of abuse, and several different types, earlier in my life. I was verbally abused, which destroyed my self esteem pretty badly. Did you know, that if you say something long enough about someone, they will begin to believe it about themselves? If you believe the lie that you are worthless, so will everyone around you. "As a man thinketh, so is he." (Proverbs 23:7). That's a "snare" the devil will always try to trap you in. The only one's who have wished me a happy birthday is K-Love, via email, Personalization Mall, via email, and a friend, who lived three streets away from me that I went to school with from 4th grade until we graduated high school. (Thank you Ronnie K!).

Anyway, I have had a rough last 7 years? I know that the world is moving in such a way, and so quickly, that there is definitely something up! I've been saying, "Wait, how come everyone says that it's a cesspool on Twitter and other social media? I've never been attacked by people on Twitter before." Well, that ended yesterday, but not on Twitter, on FaceBook. I'm still getting nasty replies to what I posted.  The vitriol I saw there, against Pastor John Hagee, and against me, I mean, WOW! I know Jesus said, "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold." (Matthew 24:12), but I've never been witness to it, or become a pinata like that? 

I really took a beating because I stood up for the Word of God, and a lot of other people did too, but I had to leave the conversation because it really hurt my heart to see people who defended Pastor Hagee, getting ripped to shreds like that. It was worse than "harsh." It was downright evil! 

Anyhow, it didn't bother me that bad, but it did bother me quite a bit spiritually. I was so disappointed at all the young people, who were just slamming me against the FaceBook wall? I thought, 'If these people were here in person, they could literally kill me!' I think that was God's way of showing me that I don't see even half of the evil out there on my news shows or local newscasts. 

I recently went back to FaceBook, and deleted everyone I actually "didn't know?" I ended up talking with my Sr. Year prom date last weekend. I was really happy to talk to him, and found out he has a good life, married with a 21 yr old daughter, who is a year younger than my youngest daughter. I told him about my kids and he said, "Wow, you've got yourself a crew!" (Thanks Bruce! It was really uplifting talking to you man! We did have some good times!). He is a self employed business owner and radio show host for  "Recovery 101 Radio" which every person who struggles with AA or NA should check out? He has started his own version of a "after AA coffee clutch" recovery program, which I think is great! A lot of people get stuck in AA or NA, and I think the slack he's picking up is wonderful! He's also a Christian, and has spoken at Celebrate Recovery events as well. It's not a "one issue focused" type of recovery. Celebrate Recovery focuses on ALL of our hangups, whether from past abuse, trauma, feelings of insignificance, feelings that we're not good enough, and also helps people with mental disorders, such as bi-polar disorder, eating disorders and the like. Alcoholics and drug abusers, past and present, are also welcome. The study we do in groups, and in smaller groups for prayer time, focuses on everyone's hangups, not just those of people who struggle with alcohol abuse, or narcotic addition.

Even though everyone except my high school friend forgot my birthday, I know God didn't. That's why I'm sharing this with you. I don't want anyone else, to EVER think that they don't matter? Because no matter how your family treats you, God loves you! No matter what you've been through, no matter how harsh, no matter if you're stuck in it, and can't get away, no matter what you've done, Jesus loves you so much, that He died for you, and whether you think He can or not, He can help you! He did it for me? It's why I'm writing this post.

You see, God adopts the fatherless and Jesus is "husband to the widow?" I feel like one, so I guess I've kind of asked Jesus to be my husband now? He's better to me than any other man ever was. I do feel alone, and actually am "alone" most of the time? But Jesus? He never leaves my side. If I struggle, I cry it out and He holds me through it. I ask God for forgiveness a lot, because I know there are people who have struggled this year with a lot more than the stuff I'm going through? I ask God to forgive me for my thoughts of distress that nobody loves me, because I can feel His presence and I know that He loves me, and that is all that should matter, but it does hurt, so very much, when the people you love walk away and treat you like you don't exist, even though you are there?

God is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He never changes. He will always love you, even if you've messed everything up, so there is still hope. He is coming to claim us soon, so those who believe in Him, pray for forgiveness daily, (See Lamentations 3:23), are obedient to him, faithful to Him, that are willing to walk away from a longtime friendship that isn't bearing the right kind of  fruit and those who are fully expecting Him, will definitely be going with Him, back to heaven, where we truly belong. 

God can fix anything that is being used by the devil to destroy you, if you'll let him?  He loves you and very soon, He's going to fix everything! The first time he "fixed it once and for all," was the day that Jesus died on the cross. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." 

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither heighth, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:37-38).

When Love takes you in? He will never, let you go.