Have you ever lost a battle with an appliance?
Well, I did today. This newfangled washer? It's a high efficiency, low water use washer. It doesn't have an agitator, although it has done a great job of "agitating" the crud out of me the last two days?
I filled it yesterday and it didn't drain or spin. I had to stand there in the backyard twisting all the water out of the towels and a throw blanket I had put in there, cursing it AND my husband under my breath for buying the same brand as the last refrigerator before the one we have now. The whole thing was a disaster! It had to be repaired, then replaced. Then it died within less than a year! I made him promise, that he would never bring that brand home EVER AGAIN?
Yup. You got it. It's the same brand!
After he got home, he asked if I used the "bulky bedding" setting. I hadn't thought of that, but it does make sense, considering how heavy wet towels can be? I just hadn't thought of it, so it was my fault. I didn't get upset about it yesterday, I just thought I must've done something wrong. And as it turned out, I had.
Today, after doing the dishes, and using some FeBreeze on the couch, I was in the process of folding two throw blankets we keep on the couch when I realized they smelt like our dog and needed to be washed. I took them out to the garage and poured in a bit of the high efficiency soap, which they tell you is the only thing you can use and loaded them very evenly in the bottom of the washer. I hit the start button and waited for the lid to lock. It did, but then it immediately unlocked again. I thought, "Wait, that's not how it worked yesterday? It locked, and then it started to weigh the load before it started. What happened?" I may have had one bad turn, but did three other loads yesterday and they went through just fine.
I took the manual and read it, and then I called the store where he purchased it. A nice kid told me to do a "rinse and spin" with nothing in it, but it was doing the same thing. It would latch the lid and lock it, then unlock it, and then wouldn't do anything. I stood there so upset, crying out to God, "Why me? Why did you allow him to do this to me AGAIN?" All I could think of was that dumb refrigerator, and how horribly it failed, and how quickly it did so? After getting so mad, I wanted to kick the machine, it suddenly re-locked the lid and began the cycle! It did the same thing again when I reloaded the blankets from off of the couch. I thought, "It didn't do that yesterday!" (Which, seriously, I may have a short memory, but if it had done that yesterday, I think I would've remembered?).
After the load finally finished, I texted my husband for the 3rd time, and told him the following:
"I still can't believe you bought this particular brand of washer when I told you years ago, "never again!" You didn't ask my opinion. You never do. You cheat on me and give your love and affection to another woman who walks through our front door every Friday night like she owns the place. You and our daughter are hardly ever here and when you are, you treat me like I'm a ghost. Neither one of you barely ever speak to me. You go out on Labor day and buy a brand of washer, that you know I particularly hate, but buy it anyway because the old one was causing you some sort of "inconvenience." You could've bought a used one, like you did last time to get us through, but I guess you just "forgot" how badly my doctor has been riding me about getting my teeth removed. She can't put me in the treatment program I need to stop the advancement of my psoriatic arthritis until they are removed because of the risk of infection, but you already know that. I should've been in treatment last year, and even though I waited patiently for you to get a decent job and get caught up on the bills, you're still dragging your feet. Now you go out and spend $500 on a brand new washer, a brand you know I despise instead of helping with this process so I can be well.
A few weeks before that, you spent $402 on the dog, saying "Yeah, but he was really suffering." You put an animal above a living human being, you're own wife, yet you claim to be a "conservative Christian." All of that money could've paid for my bottom denture and the insurance could've covered my oral surgery, but, well, you obviously value the dog more than me, even though the arthritis is doing damage to my joints that can never be reversed.
You were holding back all of my mail from me until I called you on it recently. You make me feel like I'm dead and gone already the way you ignore me. My own family has never really wanted me, and neither did you. The only reason you moved me back in after we were separated for 2 1/2 years, wasn't because I was ill and you wanted to take care of me or to reconcile our marriage, it was to get your garnishment's dropped so you could put me in chains for the rest of my life, as you laughed, right along with the devil himself at my plight. You finally told me 15 months after you moved me back in, that you had never stopped sleeping with your girlfriend Debbie.
My own children listen to your lies about me, and won't talk to me at all, and if I try to call them, it goes straight to voicemail. I don't get texts wishing me a happy birthday, happy thanksgiving, merry Christmas or a happy mother's day. Please don't talk to me for awhile. I'm so hurt, I cannot even imagine speaking to you right now."
I came in my room, and started to bawl. I may have lost the fight today, but I finally said some things that have really been bothering me, and I didn't have to hear him scream and yell back at me. I don't usually ever stand up for myself. I just keep taking it, laying down as he proceeds to kick me in the gut. Every time that woman is in my house, I can feel rage building up, so I've asked him to "let me know" when she will be here. That way I can prepare myself through prayer, asking God to help me to be forgiving, and to not let the devil steal my peace from me when she is in my home, even though in my eyes, she is definitely not welcome here. He's married to me, but sleeping with her, and that isn't right.
I have nowhere to go, no family to run to, no money of my own, and I'm unable to work or I would've left a long time ago. I feel like he is punishing me for things I've done in the past, meting out God's measure of guilt on top of my head as I sit here every Friday night, praying for them both, begging God to show her the "Good News," so she will get saved? It's the only way to get her removed, but then some other low self-esteem woman will just take her place. He's always valued "sex," over everything else.
Since he moved me back in, (May 2008), after I had suffered severely with spinal stenosis due to a pharmaceutical allergy, he has refused to give me any money, let me do my own grocery shopping, doesn't purchase anything for me, except food, or certain times of year, he'll allow me one special purchase of something I may need, like a new dry shaver from Remington when I started to bleed after shaving my legs? (It was something I needed medically though. I was bleeding horribly trying to shave with psoriasis. It was just awful).
I try to be as kind as possible. I do the dishes, I try to do things around the house, which I know helps him, because he's been working so hard trying to get caught up on our bills, however, all he does is shove it back in my face. But if I am a slave to a master who is kind, and I treat him with kindness, well that's admirable. But if I'm a slave who is treated harshly, and still suffer it with patience and prayers for him, even though the things he does are evil, where does God stand on this? I think He values me more when I'm patient, kind and prayerful over him, right? (1 Peter 2:18-25).
I admit, I can get impatient, and I really did kind of lose it today, but "Duke was really suffering?" The dog? Over a person? His wife? The woman who bore him four fantastic kids, who raised them while he worked every day, or flew around in C-141's and C-5's on active duty, when he was always gone? He thinks they get their fear of God or their morals from him? They talk to him because he can co-sign for a car! He's got great credit! I'm seen as a lost cause! I can't work, I'm too ill to attend family functions, but that could've been reversed. So, what, I'm just cursed to die this way?
As I sobbed, I cried and asked God to forgive me, and to help me to forgive him, his mistress and again, I prayed for her to get saved. I love my dog Duke. He is wonderful and I'm glad he got what he needed, but seriously, that money would've gone a long way to help me get well. I just don't think it's right, but I am not the judge of him, God is.
As I sat there sobbing, I heard a word. Jesus began to comfort me in my tears, telling me that He will deliver me soon. I don't know exactly what that means? But when I leave?
Well, let's just say this: "There's people been talking, They say they're worried about my soul. Well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking 'Til I'm sure it's my time to roll and when I do, when I leave I want to go out like Elijah. With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of Fire, and when I look back on the stars, well it'll be like candlelight in Central Park, and It won't break my heart to say goodbye."
Well, I did today. This newfangled washer? It's a high efficiency, low water use washer. It doesn't have an agitator, although it has done a great job of "agitating" the crud out of me the last two days?
I filled it yesterday and it didn't drain or spin. I had to stand there in the backyard twisting all the water out of the towels and a throw blanket I had put in there, cursing it AND my husband under my breath for buying the same brand as the last refrigerator before the one we have now. The whole thing was a disaster! It had to be repaired, then replaced. Then it died within less than a year! I made him promise, that he would never bring that brand home EVER AGAIN?
Yup. You got it. It's the same brand!
After he got home, he asked if I used the "bulky bedding" setting. I hadn't thought of that, but it does make sense, considering how heavy wet towels can be? I just hadn't thought of it, so it was my fault. I didn't get upset about it yesterday, I just thought I must've done something wrong. And as it turned out, I had.
Today, after doing the dishes, and using some FeBreeze on the couch, I was in the process of folding two throw blankets we keep on the couch when I realized they smelt like our dog and needed to be washed. I took them out to the garage and poured in a bit of the high efficiency soap, which they tell you is the only thing you can use and loaded them very evenly in the bottom of the washer. I hit the start button and waited for the lid to lock. It did, but then it immediately unlocked again. I thought, "Wait, that's not how it worked yesterday? It locked, and then it started to weigh the load before it started. What happened?" I may have had one bad turn, but did three other loads yesterday and they went through just fine.
I took the manual and read it, and then I called the store where he purchased it. A nice kid told me to do a "rinse and spin" with nothing in it, but it was doing the same thing. It would latch the lid and lock it, then unlock it, and then wouldn't do anything. I stood there so upset, crying out to God, "Why me? Why did you allow him to do this to me AGAIN?" All I could think of was that dumb refrigerator, and how horribly it failed, and how quickly it did so? After getting so mad, I wanted to kick the machine, it suddenly re-locked the lid and began the cycle! It did the same thing again when I reloaded the blankets from off of the couch. I thought, "It didn't do that yesterday!" (Which, seriously, I may have a short memory, but if it had done that yesterday, I think I would've remembered?).
After the load finally finished, I texted my husband for the 3rd time, and told him the following:
"I still can't believe you bought this particular brand of washer when I told you years ago, "never again!" You didn't ask my opinion. You never do. You cheat on me and give your love and affection to another woman who walks through our front door every Friday night like she owns the place. You and our daughter are hardly ever here and when you are, you treat me like I'm a ghost. Neither one of you barely ever speak to me. You go out on Labor day and buy a brand of washer, that you know I particularly hate, but buy it anyway because the old one was causing you some sort of "inconvenience." You could've bought a used one, like you did last time to get us through, but I guess you just "forgot" how badly my doctor has been riding me about getting my teeth removed. She can't put me in the treatment program I need to stop the advancement of my psoriatic arthritis until they are removed because of the risk of infection, but you already know that. I should've been in treatment last year, and even though I waited patiently for you to get a decent job and get caught up on the bills, you're still dragging your feet. Now you go out and spend $500 on a brand new washer, a brand you know I despise instead of helping with this process so I can be well.
A few weeks before that, you spent $402 on the dog, saying "Yeah, but he was really suffering." You put an animal above a living human being, you're own wife, yet you claim to be a "conservative Christian." All of that money could've paid for my bottom denture and the insurance could've covered my oral surgery, but, well, you obviously value the dog more than me, even though the arthritis is doing damage to my joints that can never be reversed.
You were holding back all of my mail from me until I called you on it recently. You make me feel like I'm dead and gone already the way you ignore me. My own family has never really wanted me, and neither did you. The only reason you moved me back in after we were separated for 2 1/2 years, wasn't because I was ill and you wanted to take care of me or to reconcile our marriage, it was to get your garnishment's dropped so you could put me in chains for the rest of my life, as you laughed, right along with the devil himself at my plight. You finally told me 15 months after you moved me back in, that you had never stopped sleeping with your girlfriend Debbie.
My own children listen to your lies about me, and won't talk to me at all, and if I try to call them, it goes straight to voicemail. I don't get texts wishing me a happy birthday, happy thanksgiving, merry Christmas or a happy mother's day. Please don't talk to me for awhile. I'm so hurt, I cannot even imagine speaking to you right now."
I came in my room, and started to bawl. I may have lost the fight today, but I finally said some things that have really been bothering me, and I didn't have to hear him scream and yell back at me. I don't usually ever stand up for myself. I just keep taking it, laying down as he proceeds to kick me in the gut. Every time that woman is in my house, I can feel rage building up, so I've asked him to "let me know" when she will be here. That way I can prepare myself through prayer, asking God to help me to be forgiving, and to not let the devil steal my peace from me when she is in my home, even though in my eyes, she is definitely not welcome here. He's married to me, but sleeping with her, and that isn't right.
I have nowhere to go, no family to run to, no money of my own, and I'm unable to work or I would've left a long time ago. I feel like he is punishing me for things I've done in the past, meting out God's measure of guilt on top of my head as I sit here every Friday night, praying for them both, begging God to show her the "Good News," so she will get saved? It's the only way to get her removed, but then some other low self-esteem woman will just take her place. He's always valued "sex," over everything else.
Since he moved me back in, (May 2008), after I had suffered severely with spinal stenosis due to a pharmaceutical allergy, he has refused to give me any money, let me do my own grocery shopping, doesn't purchase anything for me, except food, or certain times of year, he'll allow me one special purchase of something I may need, like a new dry shaver from Remington when I started to bleed after shaving my legs? (It was something I needed medically though. I was bleeding horribly trying to shave with psoriasis. It was just awful).
I try to be as kind as possible. I do the dishes, I try to do things around the house, which I know helps him, because he's been working so hard trying to get caught up on our bills, however, all he does is shove it back in my face. But if I am a slave to a master who is kind, and I treat him with kindness, well that's admirable. But if I'm a slave who is treated harshly, and still suffer it with patience and prayers for him, even though the things he does are evil, where does God stand on this? I think He values me more when I'm patient, kind and prayerful over him, right? (1 Peter 2:18-25).
I admit, I can get impatient, and I really did kind of lose it today, but "Duke was really suffering?" The dog? Over a person? His wife? The woman who bore him four fantastic kids, who raised them while he worked every day, or flew around in C-141's and C-5's on active duty, when he was always gone? He thinks they get their fear of God or their morals from him? They talk to him because he can co-sign for a car! He's got great credit! I'm seen as a lost cause! I can't work, I'm too ill to attend family functions, but that could've been reversed. So, what, I'm just cursed to die this way?
As I sobbed, I cried and asked God to forgive me, and to help me to forgive him, his mistress and again, I prayed for her to get saved. I love my dog Duke. He is wonderful and I'm glad he got what he needed, but seriously, that money would've gone a long way to help me get well. I just don't think it's right, but I am not the judge of him, God is.
As I sat there sobbing, I heard a word. Jesus began to comfort me in my tears, telling me that He will deliver me soon. I don't know exactly what that means? But when I leave?
Well, let's just say this: "There's people been talking, They say they're worried about my soul. Well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking 'Til I'm sure it's my time to roll and when I do, when I leave I want to go out like Elijah. With a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of Fire, and when I look back on the stars, well it'll be like candlelight in Central Park, and It won't break my heart to say goodbye."
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