I was four when my folks first took me to church. I walked in and saw one of those beautiful portraits of Jesus on the wall. I looked at it for a bit and then got taken to Sunday School. That morning, I heard the Gospel really explained for the first time and I believed! After a few months, my parents went back to their old ways and stopped going. I remember wanting to go, but there was nobody to take me.
When I was ten, I was with a family down the street, who's mom watched us each afternoon after school until my mom got home. Her name was Mrs. Garcia and I went to 4th thru 12th grade with her son Rick. One day after school, Carmen talked to me about how we are all sinners and how we all need forgiveness. I said the sinner's prayer that day, tears rolling down my face and felt a weight being lifted off of me. I had been saved! Eventually, my mom told me she didn't want me going to church with them anymore, but didn't give me a reason why.
In Jr. High, another friend I'd known since 4th grade asked me to come with her to the Jr. High group at her church. That was my first visit to First Baptist Church of Covina, California. I went for awhile, but again, my mom told me I had to stop going, but gave no explanation as to why or maybe the right question would be "why not?"
In my Freshman year of high school, however, a new friend named Kelly, invited me to the Sr. High Youth group at the very same church. I went with her and we walked to church on Wednesday night for choir, church dinner, (we went to Taco Bell instead lol), and Sr. High Youth group. I got very involved in youth group and youth choir as well as other activities such as drama for plays a few times a year and even sitting in to sing with the adult choir if my director needed me to.
In my Sophomore year, I heard the story of Joseph for the first time. Being that I came from an abusive household, I had a hard time forgiving my mother for the things she had done to me and was still doing to me at home. But when I heard Joseph's answer to his brothers who hated him so much that they sold him into slavery, dipped his tunic in blood and presented it to their Father, Jacob, and then allowed him to grieve his youngest son who wasn't actually dead, I kinda saw the parallel to my own life. When Joseph's brothers figured out who he really was, they went to him, very contrite in spirit, and asked for his forgiveness. Joseph replied, "What you meant for my harm, God meant it for my Good." That one line hit me so hard, I got up and walked that really long aisle in my church to ask forgiveness, recommit my life to Jesus and get baptized. My mom didn't interfere this time and I went there until I was 20 years old.
I did continue to have emotional problems however, and I went the way of so many teens who wind up feeling like their parents don't love them, which is how I felt. I felt unaccepted, unloved, abandoned, not good enough, etc. I had such low self esteem, that it got me in a lot of trouble. I've actually made a lot of mistakes that I really, truly wish that I could take back but cannot. I wouldn't make those same choices today, but that is the gift of spiritual maturity and hind sight, which is always 20/20. What a gigantic gift wisdom and common sense can be!
I guess what I'm trying to say here is this. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life, when I didn't feel His presence. Yes, there were dark days where I didn't realize He was carrying me, but there were times I could see Him working in me! I can look back at those days and say, "There you were God!" I know He's always been with me. He has never left me, and when I feel I have no strength to keep going, He gives me the strength I need in order to make it. I do that every day! He has to carry me at times, but it's better than having no hope! I can't imagine what people who don't know Jesus go through in these types of situations. There have been times, just in the last year, when I was so weak, I had to depend on His grace and His strength just to make it through the day! God is definitely right there waiting for us to call His name! He is always faithful even when we are faith-less! No matter what I've done to hurt Him, He always forgives and He always loves.
He has been my God throughout my entire life. No matter what I do, I know in my heart and with every fiber of my being, that not only has He always been there, He always will be.
And for this, I am truly grateful!
When I was ten, I was with a family down the street, who's mom watched us each afternoon after school until my mom got home. Her name was Mrs. Garcia and I went to 4th thru 12th grade with her son Rick. One day after school, Carmen talked to me about how we are all sinners and how we all need forgiveness. I said the sinner's prayer that day, tears rolling down my face and felt a weight being lifted off of me. I had been saved! Eventually, my mom told me she didn't want me going to church with them anymore, but didn't give me a reason why.
In Jr. High, another friend I'd known since 4th grade asked me to come with her to the Jr. High group at her church. That was my first visit to First Baptist Church of Covina, California. I went for awhile, but again, my mom told me I had to stop going, but gave no explanation as to why or maybe the right question would be "why not?"
In my Freshman year of high school, however, a new friend named Kelly, invited me to the Sr. High Youth group at the very same church. I went with her and we walked to church on Wednesday night for choir, church dinner, (we went to Taco Bell instead lol), and Sr. High Youth group. I got very involved in youth group and youth choir as well as other activities such as drama for plays a few times a year and even sitting in to sing with the adult choir if my director needed me to.
In my Sophomore year, I heard the story of Joseph for the first time. Being that I came from an abusive household, I had a hard time forgiving my mother for the things she had done to me and was still doing to me at home. But when I heard Joseph's answer to his brothers who hated him so much that they sold him into slavery, dipped his tunic in blood and presented it to their Father, Jacob, and then allowed him to grieve his youngest son who wasn't actually dead, I kinda saw the parallel to my own life. When Joseph's brothers figured out who he really was, they went to him, very contrite in spirit, and asked for his forgiveness. Joseph replied, "What you meant for my harm, God meant it for my Good." That one line hit me so hard, I got up and walked that really long aisle in my church to ask forgiveness, recommit my life to Jesus and get baptized. My mom didn't interfere this time and I went there until I was 20 years old.
I did continue to have emotional problems however, and I went the way of so many teens who wind up feeling like their parents don't love them, which is how I felt. I felt unaccepted, unloved, abandoned, not good enough, etc. I had such low self esteem, that it got me in a lot of trouble. I've actually made a lot of mistakes that I really, truly wish that I could take back but cannot. I wouldn't make those same choices today, but that is the gift of spiritual maturity and hind sight, which is always 20/20. What a gigantic gift wisdom and common sense can be!
I guess what I'm trying to say here is this. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life, when I didn't feel His presence. Yes, there were dark days where I didn't realize He was carrying me, but there were times I could see Him working in me! I can look back at those days and say, "There you were God!" I know He's always been with me. He has never left me, and when I feel I have no strength to keep going, He gives me the strength I need in order to make it. I do that every day! He has to carry me at times, but it's better than having no hope! I can't imagine what people who don't know Jesus go through in these types of situations. There have been times, just in the last year, when I was so weak, I had to depend on His grace and His strength just to make it through the day! God is definitely right there waiting for us to call His name! He is always faithful even when we are faith-less! No matter what I've done to hurt Him, He always forgives and He always loves.
He has been my God throughout my entire life. No matter what I do, I know in my heart and with every fiber of my being, that not only has He always been there, He always will be.
And for this, I am truly grateful!
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