Memories of Mom

I didn't have the best of upbringings, always feeling unloved, I was extremely insecure and fought like crazy to make everyone around me happy!  (Approval addiction can begin at a very early age when you feel like even your parents don't think you're good enough, or there is an older child creating nothing but havoc in your home).   I tended to put myself in a corner of the closet to avoid these tirades out of fear.

Because of the verbal and emotional abuse especially, I haven't always been the best mom, and for that at times I feel very ashamed.  God has forgiven me I know, but I I have continued to ask forgiveness of my chidren and ask for His grace!  I've apologized to my kids in the past, but I can never say I'm sorry enough for the mistakes I have made  and I want to apologize to my kids, again, including my new daughter in law for how I have treated her as well. The Word of God states, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  (1 John 1:9);  Jesus death on the cross paid for every sin I've committed or will ever commit!  I must hold onto that or the devil will continue to win the "Battlefield of the mind!

My mom, Beverly Jean went home to be with Jesus on November 22, 2009 after a horrible  cancer, that took her way too soon at only 74,  Some weird things happened that week, and after all the years of praying, witnessing to her, and trying to get her to come to church with me, I know for an absolute FACT where she is!  She is in heaven with Jesus and I can't wait to see her again!  And believe me, I have this Word of Knowledge and promise from the best source possible - God Himseslf!

I got to speak to her one last time on the Thursday morning before she passed and I would have been right by her side praying for her, but she wouldn't let me even come to her side!  That truly saddens me to this day and always will that I didn't get a proper goodbye.  I spoke with her that morning just 3 days before she passed.   When I hung up the phone that day, God wrapped me in His arms and this feeling of peace covered me, for less than a second, in which I heard, "It's okay.  She's mine," and the spirit of peace lifted almost immediately. The peace of that moment resonates every time I think of it!   See God wasn't just answering one prayer, He was answering SEVERAL of my prayers for my mother to return t0 the fold!

I want to encourage all of you son's and daughters, regardless of what your circumstances were growing up to reach out for your final RELIEF from the Lord!  He is your ABBA DADDY!  LET HIM BE!  Forgive your mom and dad, after all, they are/were just human beings?  And don't forget, that without your Mother, you wouldn't even be here!

I challenge all those who read this to go re-read  Psalm 139 and see what it says about  you and how you were formed in the "secret place."  Our parents are merely "stewards" to raise us up properly but they are not perfect and they make mistakes out of wrong thinking!

This is for you Mom!   I miss you so much, I do not have words.  Thank you for pushing me when I didn't want to be pushed.  Thank you for making me try to fly when I was so clueless that I couldn't yet fly!  I love you Mommy.  Miss you more, but I know where you are and I can't wait to see you again on the day we are called home to be with Jesus! 

Until Then Mom!  
Love your baby,
JeriAnn

An Adventurous Heart

So what are your plans for such a beautiful Saturday afternoon?

I'll probably be doing some sort of study, cause it is a desire I just can't seem to walk away from right now!  I'm reading a great book by Joyce Meyer called "Be Anxious for Nothing," and it is having a great impact on my life, but only because Joyce doesn't teach anything except for the Word of God.

  

After that, perhaps a nap, or maybe a NASCAR race which I truly enjoy, even though I'm a girl, (Don't mess with my football picks during NFL season either!  I can pick from 10-14 games out of 16 any week of the year a gift I attribute to growing up with a Step Father and 3 brothers who all loved football, which caused me to love it too!  lol.).   

Then later I'll be back studying God's Word which is a fortress where I can hide and know I am safe!   God is always faithful and as it states in  Joel 2:38, "I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions."

I cannot contain the joy, for it truly is like a rushing wind going through me when I give in to Him, which is so easy to do when I feel His arms envelop me and He whispers, "it's alright my child, I am with you from everlasting to everlasting."  I may be alone in my life, but only for a greater purpose!  It's really the only way He can get my attention, help me get well, bring me up out of illness, a lonely life and restore me completely!  (I still dare you to look up what "confirm" means in 1 Corinthians 1:8!  That is a promise for all who believe!

So what is the plan today?  Mow the lawn?  Do the shopping?  Do the laundry?  Washing the dishes, cleaning the refrigerator for the new groceries, or maybe a hectic afternoon of little league games and trying to enjoy your family, or maybe the drudgery of cleaning the pool for the kids as you curse the equipment for not working quite right....all replaced by happy children splashing in the now clean waves 4 hours later?

Nobody said life was easy, but YES INDEED IT IS AN ADVENTURE!  You just have to learn to lean on God's arms before you look at your circumstances through the arm of the flesh which will just make you MISERABLE! 

We are called to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  Just imagine how doing that would make you feel inside?  You will be filled with joy!  Now wouldn't that be much cooler than losing your cool at stupid stuff like I used to do?

Do everything you do, work, chores, fun, with a smile and a heart full of gratitude for just being alive, and I guarantee it can change your whole outlook!  So whether drudgery or fun, remember that "We (should) demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5).

Now, Let's Play Ball and have the adventure of our lives today before being exhausted and content at such a fantastic day and give God the glory!

He Takes My Breath Away!

A little while back before I started this blog, or even heard the sermon that spurred it into existence, I had a strange feeling.  As I was watching all that is happening in the Middle East I was hearing a slight whisper that all I have read in the bible since I was a teenager is true, and not only was it true, it was beginning to occur right before my eyes!  As a fallen away Christian who has not been in the fellowship of other believers for over 10 years, I still love the Lord, always have and I do know His voice.  He was there and comforted me when my mother died a few years back and believe me, when you hear God's voice?  It is unmistakable.  

Anyway, I had begun to pray that God find me worthy on that day when he calls home His Bride, the Church!  My life was a total shambles!  My days were filled with depression, illness and pain, and I was truly hopeless.  Well, little did I know that the post I shared the other day on how He "confirms" us was for a reason, and God always has one.  It dawned on me tonight that in order to find me worthy, He has to first build me, mold me, shape me and make me truly 100% HIS!

As I was in prayer, I closed my eyes and was transported to a place of when the rapture occurs?  I know that sounds weird, but I was atop a pink, blue, purplish set of clouds, running into His arms!  It was SO VIVID, that I know in my heart that it is truly a promise of a thing to come!  I'm a little freaked out, cuz its as if the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are watching as I type!  Actually when I stop to think about it, it's not really that much of a stretch cause I can almost always feel the protection of His angels.  They are protecting me from the devil, but I still make mistakes.  

I always try to correct them by apologizing to the one I offended and to God for offending Him and as I do,  I am back at His feet again, learning, listening and sharing with you all.

I do hope you are all finding solace, hope, and above all, Jesus!

Oh Lord, I am so small, just a blade of grass that withers in the wind...how is it that I have found such favor...something we all share as Children of Yours...please let all who read these words have Your Breath of Life blown back into their hearts, filling them with joy, love and unspeakable hope as they begin to hear You speak!  Thank you Jesus for your heart, for your sharing it with us, and for dying for me!  You are the only thing that satisfies me Lord!  

Jesus?  You Take My Breath Away!

The Bench Warmer

Are you at a crossroads in your Christian walk?  Things around you don't look familiar anymore?  Your country is changing before your eyes, you've lost your job, are afraid of losing your job or the stress of the situation seems to be your only friend and you are running out of steam?  Trust me, that is the devil and you should resist him and flee!  (James 4:7).   Also be humble and remember that you're not the only one in this country or the world going through these things!  So don't just sit there when you're neighbor's in the bottom of the 9th with 2 out and a moving van in front of his house removing his family from the only home they've ever known!  Jesus expects us to reach out for them, especially when it's something out of our comfort zone!  Tell them you're there if they need anything, help them move, just be a Christian!  GET OFF THE BENCH!

How about this plan:  Instead of feeling sorry for what you never got to do, or can't do anymore, get off that bench and get into the game of changing your world for Christ!  If God can use someone like me, and believe me, some of my story is pretty awful guys, then He can use you too!

Infuse yourself into God's word!  Remember, "those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint!"  (Isiah 40:31).

In 1  Corinthians 1:25, Paul said "the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than man!"  Then in vs. 27, Paul proclaims "but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong."  God will choose the lowliest of the low and the weakest of the weak to get his job accomplished!  He wants to use us, but we must first have FAITH and only in HIM! 

So, are you a bench warmer who never or rarely gets called upon to play the game?  All you have to do is take the words of God and deposit them in the vault of your heart!  God wants to "confirm," you!  (1 Corinthians 1:8).  Look up what the word "confirm" means in Greek!   The depth and breadth of His word it knows no end, there are no boundaries!   So the time has come to stand, walk to the plate and knock a homer into the life of someone who needs Jesus!  Pray in faith for God to use you, and I guarantee you that He will!

Those who don't know Christ are in chains and some will mock you, but never forget that "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me."  (Matthew 5:11).  For when we are persecuted we gain favor with God! 

We are about to be Raptured off this rock!  Do you really want your family and those you know and love left behind? 

GET OFF THE BENCH!  BE COURAGEOUS & TAKE BACK THE FIGHT!

Grace is Greater than Dysfunction

There is something that is on my heart tonight.  Dysfunctional families their households and the grip of fear that is within.  St. Peter once warned, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour."  (1 Peter 5:8).

Are you living in a dysfunctional home?  Did you grow up in one and now you are afraid to even have children for fear you'll be just like your parents, or maybe you're already a parent and you have found yourself really losing it at your kids over something really minor?  

Trust me, I am the queen when it comes to killing a persons spirit, but it's because I never knew anything different, and I had to be healed by God first before I could see that.  I am grateful that He called me to account and I got a chance to tell my children how sorry I was for the things I was doing, the things I was saying and how I just wanted them to know that no matter what I said or did, that I loved them very much, and that I was working on fixing ME, and that there was NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!   It was me who lived in an abusive cycle for years as a child and teenager and I didn't know how to break it, but they were going to be the ones to go through another cycle and I decided I couldn't let that happen.  I felt like I had to at least try to  undo what I had done and try to break its hold over my life!  It truly burdens and hurts my heart to think of people who are doing the same things that I did based on false belief systems and the pain of abuse they were brought up with. 

Let God be your father?  He will Father you correctly and will help heal your hurts, your sins will be wiped away, and you can start over, your whole family can start over, and even if you say, "No, it's too late, my kids are grown and don't want anything to do with me," I say hogwash!  It's NEVER TOO LATE TO SAY YOU ARE SORRY AND LET THEM SEE GOD'S LIGHT IN YOU AND CHANGING YOU!  BELIEVE ME, WHEN GOD IS SAVING YOU, PEOPLE NOTICE!  ESPECIALLY THOSE CLOSEST TO YOU!

I would always tell my children I was sorry when I would lose it and curse at them for stupid stuff like not picking up their toys, etc., etc., and my parenting skills, sad set that they were, it was all I had, so I sought help and found a few books on the subject.  I discovered a very important FACT!  For every one negative thing you say to your child about themselves, it takes saying 5 positive things to them about themselves to wipe out the one  negative!  And you should all take heed to this because  Jesus said,  "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these"  (Matthew 19:14).

If you feel that you are going to lose it at your kids, stop, look up and ask God to help you break the chains that keep you in the flesh and not in the Spirit?  Whether you are a Christian or not, to harm a child, well, pay heed, for "It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin." (Luke 17:2). 

I do not say this to judge, but rather to nudge you toward the great blessings He holds in His hands, waiting to just dump them on your head!  Don't be a dummy!  (I've always wanted to say that! lol).  Do what I did, admit your sin, get down on your knees and ask God to break down the walls in your life, show you your sin and help you do better!  He will forgive you whatever you ask, whenever you ask and you should ask everyday because you are HUMAN and you are going to SIN BECAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN!  THERE AIN'T NOTHIN YOU CAN DO TO STOP IT!   So at least admit it?  Please?  For the sake of those who love you, and the people who work with you, the people who commute with you, and those in authority over you?  Get right with the Lord!  HE CAN FIX ANYTHING!  Let Him fix your relationship with your parents if it is possible, or pray that He works on it for you - leave it at His feet!  My parents are not just forgiven they are both now saved!  Remember, Miracles come in Can's, not Cant's!  (Joyce Meyer said that, and I'm passin it on! lol).

If He can reach down and fix me.....what could He do for you?  Have you asked Him lately?  Ask Him to remove your fleshly side, for even Paul commiserated that "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do," calling it the curse of the fleshly sin nature of all men.  DON'T LET THE FLESH WIN!  FIGHT THAT WILEY OLE DEVIL WITH THE WORD OF GOD!  

Thou art loosed!  "Whoever the Son sets free, is free indeed!  (John 8:36).  OH HIS GRACE IS JUST SO AMAZING!  REACH OUT TO GOD AND HE WILL FREE YOU!  THE WORK HAS ALREADY BEEN DONE THROUGH CHRIST'S DEATH AND RESURRECTION! 

If you are a child/teenager living with abusive parents, there is help!  Contact Rocketown USA  for help!  Don't be afraid, for God is with you children!  Reach out your hands, never give up and be strong!  God wants to raise you up!  Help is on the way!

God bless those who read this Lord, and parents, God wants you to know that you are His children and He cherishes all of you too!  = )