Memories of Mom

I didn't have the best of upbringings, always feeling unloved, I was extremely insecure and fought like crazy to make everyone around me happy!  (Approval addiction can begin at a very early age when you feel like even your parents don't think you're good enough, or there is an older child creating nothing but havoc in your home).   I tended to put myself in a corner of the closet to avoid these tirades out of fear.

Because of the verbal and emotional abuse especially, I haven't always been the best mom, and for that at times I feel very ashamed.  God has forgiven me I know, but I I have continued to ask forgiveness of my chidren and ask for His grace!  I've apologized to my kids in the past, but I can never say I'm sorry enough for the mistakes I have made  and I want to apologize to my kids, again, including my new daughter in law for how I have treated her as well. The Word of God states, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  (1 John 1:9);  Jesus death on the cross paid for every sin I've committed or will ever commit!  I must hold onto that or the devil will continue to win the "Battlefield of the mind!

My mom, Beverly Jean went home to be with Jesus on November 22, 2009 after a horrible  cancer, that took her way too soon at only 74,  Some weird things happened that week, and after all the years of praying, witnessing to her, and trying to get her to come to church with me, I know for an absolute FACT where she is!  She is in heaven with Jesus and I can't wait to see her again!  And believe me, I have this Word of Knowledge and promise from the best source possible - God Himseslf!

I got to speak to her one last time on the Thursday morning before she passed and I would have been right by her side praying for her, but she wouldn't let me even come to her side!  That truly saddens me to this day and always will that I didn't get a proper goodbye.  I spoke with her that morning just 3 days before she passed.   When I hung up the phone that day, God wrapped me in His arms and this feeling of peace covered me, for less than a second, in which I heard, "It's okay.  She's mine," and the spirit of peace lifted almost immediately. The peace of that moment resonates every time I think of it!   See God wasn't just answering one prayer, He was answering SEVERAL of my prayers for my mother to return t0 the fold!

I want to encourage all of you son's and daughters, regardless of what your circumstances were growing up to reach out for your final RELIEF from the Lord!  He is your ABBA DADDY!  LET HIM BE!  Forgive your mom and dad, after all, they are/were just human beings?  And don't forget, that without your Mother, you wouldn't even be here!

I challenge all those who read this to go re-read  Psalm 139 and see what it says about  you and how you were formed in the "secret place."  Our parents are merely "stewards" to raise us up properly but they are not perfect and they make mistakes out of wrong thinking!

This is for you Mom!   I miss you so much, I do not have words.  Thank you for pushing me when I didn't want to be pushed.  Thank you for making me try to fly when I was so clueless that I couldn't yet fly!  I love you Mommy.  Miss you more, but I know where you are and I can't wait to see you again on the day we are called home to be with Jesus! 

Until Then Mom!  
Love your baby,
JeriAnn