Abortion: Denial Of The Deluded

I was a stupid 18 year old kid when I got pregnant. I'd been doing drugs. My mother made the appointment and walked into the clinic, paid for the "procedure" and then left me there, all alone. After it was over, I went home and wrote in my diary "I killed my baby today." As for why I was home, going in to see the "doctor," my mom said I was "having female problems," and had to have some tests run. I went along with her "lie" because I was so ashamed.

When I was 20, it happened again. Same thing happened. "You've been doing drugs, the baby won't be right." She made an appointment, paid, and left me there, alone. 

The first time, someone counseled me. Told me it was just "tissue," but I knew that wasn't true. I was so scared & so messed up, especially emotionally, that I could barely take care of myself, much less a child. Also, no other options were ever discussed!

The second time, my mom made another appointment at the same "clinic." There was no counseling this time, just an exam. Then, I got left on a gurney with my legs in weird, "all the way up to the knees" stirrups on the side of the gurney where my hands were and I was left uncovered and given no dignity at all. I probably at that point, didn't deserve any. I remember a bunch of people walking by, doctor's, nurses, etc., and they were all looking at me and giving me a "stare," of disapproval. How dare they do that! They were doing hundreds of these "murders" a week! God help them! The doctor looked at me with such judgment, I've never gotten over the judgmental "look" he gave me as he was walking by. 

In 1995 I wanted to help our local Crisis Pregnancy Center, who counsels young women about adoption, and other alternatives to "murder," or as the left calls it "abortion." I was told I would have to go through "Post Abortion Counseling" before I could counsel other young women. What was really difficult, is that I was scheduled for a hysterectomy and I was going through counseling at the same time. My greatest fear was that they would do that to me again, just like that judgmental dr. in the clinic did the second time around. 

The gal who counseled me one on one was a nurse and she worked for an OB/GYN. She told me exactly how the surgery would go, and that it was most likely the devil dropping guilt on me that was making me feel ashamed, afraid, etc., that it would happen to me again. She told me it was not something I needed to worry about, and it wasn't. I was on a gurney, completely covered and nothing happened til after I was under anesthesia and knocked out completely. I'm so grateful she was there and she was my counselor! It was a very difficult thing to go through, especially knowing I was going to lose my womb, which carried my four children to term and held my two children whom I mudered, when I was young, stupid and felt like there was no other way out.

My "triggers" for the PTSD some of us go through, were 7up and oranges and new car smell because my mom had a brand new Cadillac. Those triggers would bring the memories back so vividly, and we talked about them a lot. In one of our group sessions, the Holy Spirit was VERY STRONG! Our fearless leader, who founded the center was having a problem with forgiving the "grey haired grandmother" that told her it was "just tissue." Suddenly, I had a very strong word of knowledge. I raised my hand and said, "God just gave me a word of knowledge about you." She said to share it, so I sheepishly asked her, "Did you ever think that maybe the woman who told you that was deceived by the devil herself?" I will never forget the look of relief that came over her face! That was one of the most amazing moments of my life! 

At the end of counseling, the last thing we did was imagine our children in heaven with Jesus. The center filled pink, blue and white balloons with helium, white representing their purity and innocence, and on a Saturday after our counseling was all completed, we released one for each child that had been taken through deception, or our own weaknesses, even those of us who knew it was totally wrong, like I did. We all held hands and we all prayed. God has forgiven me for what I did, and the devil doesn't bring it up anymore! God has completely lifted that demon off of me and drop kicked him around the world forever! I never have to feel ashamed again! I could've stood up to my mother but I was too scared, too young and too messed up.

After that particular "procedure," when I was 20 years old, I was so badly affected afterwards, that when someone introduced me to cocaine, I began doing it to kill the pain of what I had done, and boy did I ever feel totally worthless! I wound up with a $100 a day cocaine habit. This went on for several months and finally, a few moments before midnight on 9/22, I did the last line on the mirror and looked up right after the clock struck midnight on 9/23, which was my 21st birthday, and prayed,"God, if you've ever loved me, I won't need this tomorrow." He answered me IMMEDIATELY! I was DELIVERED THE VERY NEXT DAY!

It took me several years to figure it out, but not only was I completely delivered from illegal drugs that very moment, I can't even take prescription pain killers! Everything they put me on makes me sick as a hound with the flu! YES! GOD DID THAT!

I'm a murderer. I've hated people in my thoughts and due to our sin nature, I don't know one person on the planet who doesn't have at least one person in their life that they really hate? So I've committed two types of murder, but God has forgiven me for all of it! In fact, He knows every word that is on our tongue before it comes out of our mouths and every sin we'll ever commit, from now until the day He returns to take us home. He died once for ALL OF OUR SINS! NOT JUST SOME OF THEM! The bible says "He who hates his brother or sister is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him." (1 John 3:15). This is a very personal and difficult subject for me and it makes me want to throw up when I hear these people in these video's, what's being said, and what's being blurred, with the gentlemen who exposed them asking, "is that a foot?" 

Please, if you've had an abortion, and you feel like I did? That you're "over it," and that it "no longer bothers you?" Go find a Crisis Pregnancy Center and ask to go through a post abortion counseling program? It will be hard, but you will come out the other side a whole new person! You'll no longer be hounded by the devil that you are a rotten person, a murderer, and that you don't deserve goodness, forgiveness, etc., in your life. God loves you! He wants to help you get through it and over it! 

He needs those of us who've been there to step up! These people? They are all DELUSIONAL! "JUST TISSUE" MY EYE! THEY'RE RETRIEVING BABY ORGANS FOR R&D? SERIOUSLY?????? THIS IS MURDER, PURE AND SIMPLE! 

I remember a famous Christian once saying, "If there was a window to the womb, abortion would end tomorrow." And you know what? I think people are for the very first time, seeing these video's, and hearing all of this and thinking, "Oh God, what have we done?" God is bringing things out of the darkness into the light, for all to see! Just like I was completely exposed in that hallway on that gurney, completely uncovered, all the lies and undisclosed secrets, etc., are going to come out whether we want them to or not! "For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open." (Luke 8:17). 

Isn't that what is happening here? What has been done in "secret" Is being made known by these brave souls who go into these clinics, posing as "buyers," and who are "exposing" what was once "hidden in secret."

God, please be with all the young women in this country who are deceived into believing that an abortion is their only way out, their only option? Please open the eyes of those who work in these clinics! THESE ARE BABIES! NOT FETUSES! 

This horrible procedure known as "abortion," has taken 58,144,659 babies in the United States ALONE since the Roe V Wade decision by the Supreme Court in 1973! That was a Shemitah year! There was a stock market crash that year in the fall! Read "The Mystery of the Shemitah," by Jonathan Cahn and you will see how CLOSE we are to ETERNITY! This Link will take you to the World Wide Abortion clock! If you don't believe me, check for yourself! The numbers are changing every minute! THIS IS A HOLOCAUST OF THE WORST KIND!

If you are pregnant, scared, and thinking you have no other way out, please find your local Crisis Pregnancy Center or contact Online For Life and get counseled on the other options available to you. Abortion is not the only answer! God is waiting for you to turn TO HIM! Let Him help you! 

God bless all who have read this. Please begin to pray for the scales to drop off of the eyes of these doctors, so that they are repulsed and leave the biz! It starts with "changing hearts and minds."

You know? I really know something is horribly askew when people are crying over a protected lion killed by a dentist in Kenya, but these horrible, ghastly video's, of people discussing the sale of baby body parts, organs, etc., don't cause people to shed even one tear! That is an abomination before God! Read Psalm 139 people! It's all in there!

Are you Pro Choice? So then decide. A lion? Or a baby waiting to be born?

It's time to choose the life of an infant in utero over the lion, beetle, owl, bugs, etc. People today seem to want to give them, and eventually it will be rocks, more rights than an infant in the womb! 

That is just how delusional some people really are. And that? Well, it's just terribly sad.