The Struggle

The last few days I have been a bit remiss in posting, so I apologize to anyone who comes here for solace day to day hoping to find a word of comfort that results in hope and peace as that is my commitment to God and to you, to try to shine the light into a dark and lonely world.

Sometimes though?  You're own darkened world can have an affect on what God needs you to do for Him, and the last few days have been quite the struggle for me.

The loneliness, the doubt, the shadows of the past, yeah,the devil's been doin a number on me, but I will get through it.  With the Grace of God and with the strength that abides in me through Christ, who gives me strength to face that darkness everyday, (Phil 4:13), I know that the courage and the boldness of heart within me, to share my own struggles in this life with complete strangers like you will always be there, even if at times I need a moment to take an account of what is happening, and deal with it properly.

When I struggle with my own heart, and the loneliness I am feeling, it makes it harder to speak comfort to anyone, much less hear the comforting words of God through His word myself. He is always with me, holding me up and holding my hand, but even that isn't always enough, although it should be.  I am so lonesome I could literally break down and cry so instead of tossing it on all of you, I tend to get quiet, pray through it and then get back to my assigned task to bring a little hope, joy and peace to others through the Word of God, and it's strength which pulls us all through the tough times.

I just needed to read God's word and press the "reset" button.  You see, I've been messed up for so long, some days I don't know which way is up anymore.  There is one person in particular who is hurting me a lot, and while I would like to walk away, I keep saying "Well it's better here than it would be any place else, so you're kinda stuck aren't you?" 

Ohhhh it's so easy to rationalize things when it's all you've ever known, even when that particular person has been hurting you for years.  We just keep taking it and taking it, and then we wind up locked right into where they want us to be. Afraid to walk away.  Afraid that nobody else will ever want us.   Afraid we won't have enough to live on, and with virtually no family to help, which is true in my case, you just wind up feeling kinda stuck.  Right now, I'm locked in a gilded cage and there is, at this present moment, no way, that I can see at this point in time anyway, a way out for me.

So please pray for me, and my heart, that I am not led astray by the devil's deceitful thoughts or the deeds or actions of others and the lies that keep me bound in this cage.  I know God has a way out for me, and in my obedience to Him, I await that pathway with patience and grace, still singing like a song bird, but some days are just a little harder than others, and I know some of you can identify with the struggle I speak of.

Please just keep aware, keep safe, and keep looking up.  Don't take your eyes off the prize of Jesus, and just like me, you'll make it.  We'll all be okay, we just have to give God a chance to work and allow ourselves to "be still, and know that He is God."  (Psalm 46:10).