What Does Love See?

I was abused in every way imaginable from the time I was little until I was kicked out of the house, and then I continued the abuse by abusing myself!  The memories of all that are very painful to dredge up, so I finally let my past go!  When my mother, the one who tormented me all my life,  died a few years ago, a lot of that pain died with her, because the Lord in His infinite mercy, told me she was His and that I would see her again some day.  I think God did that because He knew that I would torment myself wondering if I had witnessed to her enough, and I would worry whether she had made it into heaven or not.  She apparently did make peace with the Lord and asked Him for forgiveness so she could go Home and I am grateful to God for that!

I remember, I had just gotten off the phone with her the Thursday morning before she passed, and I remember hanging up the phone and  thinking out loud "Oh geesh Mom, you're going to leave us on JFK's anniversary!"  Then the guilt hit, "What will her friends think of me that her own daughter didn't come to see her before she died," even though she kept telling me she didn't want me there, and it was at that moment of torment and guilt that the Lord wrapped his arms around me with a peace that "surpasses all understanding"  (Philippians 4:7), and I audibly heard in my head, "It's okay.  She's mine."  My Mother Beverly Jean passed away on November 22nd, 2009.  She passed on the very day I had said she would.  The anniversary of JFK's assassination.  Pretty weird huh?  That's how I know it WAS God!

At the funeral the pastor, who didn't really know any of us, told a story about a black water beetle, and how when it dies, the shell opens and releases a bunch of beautiful dragon flies into the air.   At the graveside service, the pastor had us praying and like a good Christian girl, I bowed my head and closed my eyes, but my mom's heathen but very lovable friends didn't and they were all treated to the sight of a beautiful dragonfly floating over the beautiful red roses that draped her casket, right in front of her picture!  It just sort of stayed there for the prayer and then floated away again and it was gone before I saw it, but I didn't need to!  I had about 50 people telling me all about it at my Mom's house at the reception!

Now folks, that is GOD!  That is how He works!  He showed all of my mother's fallen away friends that HE IS GOD AND THAT HE IS REAL!   I came out of that experience understanding in my heart that all the things that she believed about me that were so wrong, were cleared up when the Angels came to escort her to Heaven!  When she died, she INSTANTANEOUSLY KNEW THE TRUTH ABOUT ME!

Do I think I was loved?  I do now more than I ever have.  I know now with a full heart how much my parents did love me, do love me and always will love me.  You see, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  (John 10:10), so don't let Satan and his minions keep you down like he was doing to me!  I needed to let the past go and get out of my own head! 

I now know what God see's when He sees me!  I have let go of the past and am now moving forward to the grace and glory of Jesus Christ that awaits me!  For "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses,   let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  (Hebrews 12:1).  

Jesus thank you for putting the pieces of my life back together, and I pray for all who read this, that they will see your love in a whole new way Lord!  God bless all who read this!  Let them Renew their strength, let them Mount up with Wings like Eagles, Let them Run Lord and not grow weary, Let them Walk and not grow faint! (Isaiah 40:31).